Fred and Mary are in their 80s. Fred has had several surgeries affecting his overall health and has expressed a fear of falling. He walks with a cane. Mary has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. She is beginning to show signs of progressing, affecting her ability to perform tasks that used to be simple for her. Both Fred and Mary are currently able to care for their daily living needs. They currently live independently in their home but are starting to fear that they may not be able to stay in their home much longer without assistance. They have met with several senior living communities over the last 2 months. Their adult children are becoming frustrated that they will not make the decision to move. When asked what is holding them back from moving into a residence that would be set up to meet all of their needs, their response is, “The process of selling our house is overwhelming.”
This is an all too common problem. One of the reasons seniors stay in their house longer than they are comfortable is fear. Fear of change. Fear of losing independence. Fear that if they move into a facility they will not like it. Fear of “getting old”. Fear of the unknown.
Adult children are often times frustrated. They want what is best for their parents and are often eager to step in to help with assistance in the moving task only to be met with resistance. So how do adult children work with their parents effectively to ease the transition to right-sizing their home?
Patience. Understanding. Listening.
- Start gently communicating the idea of moving. Plant the seed. Approaching a parent as though the decision has already been made can make a parent put up their defenses and end the conversation quickly.
- Offer to accompany your parent on a tour of several local assisted living facilities. A Certified Senior Housing Professional will be able to provide a list of communities offering amenities matching the senior’s interest. Tour only if your parent is willing. If they are hesitant, wait for another day.
- Watch for “Teachable Moments.” Did your parent recently experience a fall? Is your parent remembering to take their medication as prescribed? Does your parent eat nutritious meals? Use these moments to gently initiate conversation. Unless the situation becomes an emergency, don’t push.
- Talk to your parent’s friends and family. Do any of them live happily in an assisted living center in the area? Depending on the personality of your parent, they may enjoy the social aspects of a good community. A Certified Senior Housing Professional can inform you of the “personality” facilities have in your area. Take your parent to lunch with their friends, engage them in an activity while there or take time to allow your parent to socialize with their friend in their private room.
- Point out the positive aspects of the community, both when you are there and afterwards. Ask your parent questions and listen closely to their answers. Did they enjoy their time? What did they like about the facility? What did they not like about the facility? Could they see themselves living in the facility, why or why not? This will help you know where they are in their decision making process.
- Point out the safety and security aspects available in an assisted living community. Stress the available nursing care, housekeeping, maintenance free living, and healthy meals. Also stress the 24-hour, around the clock care should they experience any emergencies.
- When your parent begins to appear that they are ready to move, hire a Certified Senior Housing Professional to work with your parent. These real estate agents have been through specific training in working with seniors as they transition to new housing arrangements. They understand the nuances of moving after living in a beloved long time residence, the emotional stress involved in going through personal items deciding what to keep and what to donate. They also understand the fear involved in this decision. Certified Senior Housing Professionals are aware of resources in the community that simplify the moving process and make the move as easy as possible on the senior.
Contact Lighthouse Group NWA at 479-717-7710 for all your moving and home sale needs throughout the NW Arkansas area.